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~marketgarden:iconmarketgarden:

had sex with a chicken!  

  • Status: Member
  • Wannabe Novelist
  • Male/United States
  • Offline for 8h 43m 11s
  • Deviant since Sep 8, 2006, 3:26 PM
  • 17 Deviations
  • 2,343 Deviation Comments
  • 2,920 Deviant Comments
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Talking to Americans

Journal Entry: Tue Mar 4, 2008, 8:21 PM
That show, "Talking to Americans" where we get grilled about whether or not Canadians live in igloos to ascertain our stupidity? It's all a clever ruse to hide the fact that they do and thus filter out the ignorant among us. Upon stating that yes, they do live in igloos, I was whisked away to Harper's igloo where the TRUE tests began.

I was shown all around the place but urged REPEATEDLY not to lick the walls. This is the test of restraint: a restrained man will obey the warning and not lick the walls. I performed well until I saw...

what appeared to be a giant tootsie roll stuck to the wall. I remembered Harper's warning, but alas, my chocolate cravings got the better of me and I licked the thing. Too late I realized I'd failed the second test, that of...erm...intelligence and/or eyesight. The tootsie roll was in fact ice painted brown and my tongue was stuck fast.

Harper sighed and went to get the blowtorch, while I was left to think about it. However, being the Rugged individual (with a capital R as in Rush Limbaugh) that I am, my innate Yanksticts took over and I seized an icicle and cut out my tongue! Success, I was free of the ice!

Upon Harper's return I'd meant to tell him that it was ok and that I'd freed myself. He took one look at me and declared that I'd failed the third test: accepting help instead of taking the initiative like a fucking moron. Then he said "Americans really ARE stupid." I meant to reply with a scathing retort about his mother, but didn't realize until that moment that I couldn't speak.

Harper was sympathetic, and provided me with pen and paper so I could write at leisure my opinions on him, his habits, his relatives, his sexual orientation and his odors. He then took it and filed it away with the 8000 other letters he'd received from Americans under similar dire circumstances.

That's how I got on Canadian television, and that's why I cannot speak about this experience and am instead writing about it.

  • Mood: Llama
  • Listening to: Jeff Healey :(
  • Reading: Pre-Fascist Italy
  • Watching: Election Results
  • Eating: chewing gum
  • Drinking: milk

Devious Information

  • Current Age: 21
  • Current Residence: Silver Spring
  • Interests: War, Writing, Fighting, Movies, Games, Talking, Women
  • Favourite movie: Conan the Barbarian; The Big Lebowski; Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
  • Favourite band or musician: James Brown, Michael Jackson, Smokey Robinson
  • Favourite genre of music: Soul, 80s, Rock
  • Favourite artist: John Millius, Yoram Globus, Akira Kurosawa
  • Favourite poet or writer: Frank Herbert, Umberto Eco, James Clavell, Mario Puzo
  • Favourite style or digital art: Macabre and Horror
  • Operating System: Windows Vista
  • Shell of choice: 800 mm
  • Wallpaper of choice: eggshell (keeps robots outta my biffy)
  • Skin of choice: mink stole affordable by Dole
  • Favourite game: Battlefield 1942
  • Favourite gaming platform: PC
  • Favourite cartoon character: Patrick Star
  • Personal Quote: Just fucking move on, already!
  • Tools of the Trade: pen, paper, ink and the imagination

deviantART Notice

Devious Comments

~Lazylad:iconLazylad: 10 hours 26 minutes ago
Great!! :D

--
I see a difference... Do you ?

_Les jeux de mots dans l'humour, c'est comme les genoux!
_Pas faux...

Japan Expo 2008 du 3 au 6 Juillet! WooT!!
~marketgarden:iconmarketgarden: 10 hours 59 minutes ago
Yeah, locally!

--
Look up in the sky! It's a nerd, it's a pain! It's a reject from a star trek convention! Aren't those all the same thing? No, you're all wrong - it's SUPER VIRGIN!

He cums faster than a speeding bullet! Able to chase off women with a single word
~marketgarden:iconmarketgarden: 11 hours 24 seconds ago
No food allowed in theaters!

--
Look up in the sky! It's a nerd, it's a pain! It's a reject from a star trek convention! Aren't those all the same thing? No, you're all wrong - it's SUPER VIRGIN!

He cums faster than a speeding bullet! Able to chase off women with a single word
~Lazylad:iconLazylad: 5 days 19 hours ago
Lucccckkkkyyyy !!!!! :) So now you have full free time to find some girl, eh? :D

--
I see a difference... Do you ?

_Les jeux de mots dans l'humour, c'est comme les genoux!
_Pas faux...

Japan Expo 2008 du 3 au 6 Juillet! WooT!!
~marketgarden:iconmarketgarden: 5 days 22 hours ago
Things are goin great. Had my last class today!

--
Look up in the sky! It's a nerd, it's a pain! It's a reject from a star trek convention! Aren't those all the same thing? No, you're all wrong - it's SUPER VIRGIN!

He cums faster than a speeding bullet! Able to chase off women with a single word
~SimEdwards:iconSimEdwards: 6 days 53 seconds ago
HAHHAHAHAHAH quick POPCORN!
~Lazylad:iconLazylad: 6 days 10 hours ago
That's the spirit! :lick:
Hey, what's up?

--
I see a difference... Do you ?

_Les jeux de mots dans l'humour, c'est comme les genoux!
_Pas faux...

Japan Expo 2008 du 3 au 6 Juillet! WooT!!
~marketgarden:iconmarketgarden: 6 days 23 hours ago
:spank:

--
Look up in the sky! It's a nerd, it's a pain! It's a reject from a star trek convention! Aren't those all the same thing? No, you're all wrong - it's SUPER VIRGIN!

He cums faster than a speeding bullet! Able to chase off women with a single word
~Lazylad:iconLazylad: May 12, 2008, 1:44:32 PM
Aaaaaahh!! You're back!!! I want more respect! harder!

--
I see a difference... Do you ?

_Les jeux de mots dans l'humour, c'est comme les genoux!
_Pas faux...

Japan Expo 2008 du 3 au 6 Juillet! WooT!!
~marketgarden:iconmarketgarden: May 12, 2008, 8:26:12 AM
Why? :slap:

--
Look up in the sky! It's a nerd, it's a pain! It's a reject from a star trek convention! Aren't those all the same thing? No, you're all wrong - it's SUPER VIRGIN!

He cums faster than a speeding bullet! Able to chase off women with a single word
~Lazylad:iconLazylad: May 10, 2008, 12:04:18 AM
Show me more respect! :spank:

--
I see a difference... Do you ?

_Les jeux de mots dans l'humour, c'est comme les genoux!
_Pas faux...

Japan Expo 2008 du 3 au 6 Juillet! WooT!!
~marketgarden:iconmarketgarden: May 9, 2008, 9:06:11 AM
NEO-CON! :noes:

--
Look up in the sky! It's a nerd, it's a pain! It's a reject from a star trek convention! Aren't those all the same thing? No, you're all wrong - it's SUPER VIRGIN!

He cums faster than a speeding bullet! Able to chase off women with a single word
~marketgarden:iconmarketgarden: May 9, 2008, 9:05:57 AM
LIBERAL!!!

--
Look up in the sky! It's a nerd, it's a pain! It's a reject from a star trek convention! Aren't those all the same thing? No, you're all wrong - it's SUPER VIRGIN!

He cums faster than a speeding bullet! Able to chase off women with a single word
~marketgarden:iconmarketgarden: May 6, 2008, 5:22:42 PM
That's LEFT! :flagus:

--
Look up in the sky! It's a nerd, it's a pain! It's a reject from a star trek convention! Aren't those all the same thing? No, you're all wrong - it's SUPER VIRGIN!

He cums faster than a speeding bullet! Able to chase off women with a single word
~Credendo-Vides:iconCredendo-Vides: May 4, 2008, 4:24:14 PM
Nope still nothing...just a little bar that says "Flagged as spam".

--
:analprobe: :boogie:
~marketgarden:iconmarketgarden: May 4, 2008, 12:45:21 PM
That's right! :devil:

--
Look up in the sky! It's a nerd, it's a pain! It's a reject from a star trek convention! Aren't those all the same thing? No, you're all wrong - it's SUPER VIRGIN!

He cums faster than a speeding bullet! Able to chase off women with a single word
Flagged as spam
~marketgarden:iconmarketgarden: May 4, 2008, 12:44:13 PMFlagged as spam
This comment is flagged as spam.
Doh! I was fighting myself!

--
Look up in the sky! It's a nerd, it's a pain! It's a reject from a star trek convention! Aren't those all the same thing? No, you're all wrong - it's SUPER VIRGIN!

He cums faster than a speeding bullet! Able to chase off women with a single word
~Credendo-Vides:iconCredendo-Vides: May 3, 2008, 6:13:47 PM
I missed the fight?? I can't read what was said?

How are you?!?!?!? How's everything??

I LOVE the new 'saying' you have on the bottom of all your comments. Har de har har..super virgin. :)) Too funny.

Hope all is wonderful!!

:hug:

P.S. My hubby told me you called, sorry I was at the store...that was painful...Oi!! The prices of things...painful.

:P

--
:analprobe: :boogie:
~marketgarden:iconmarketgarden: May 1, 2008, 7:15:07 PM
:iconohnoesplz:

--
Look up in the sky! It's a nerd, it's a pain! It's a reject from a star trek convention! Aren't those all the same thing? No, you're all wrong - it's SUPER VIRGIN!

He cums faster than a speeding bullet! Able to chase off women with a single word
~marketgarden:iconmarketgarden: May 1, 2008, 7:13:42 PM
But I'm you, you stupid cunt! Your split personality is gonna get you banned for threatening yourself!

--
Look up in the sky! It's a nerd, it's a pain! It's a reject from a star trek convention! Aren't those all the same thing? No, you're all wrong - it's SUPER VIRGIN!

He cums faster than a speeding bullet! Able to chase off women with a single word
~marketgarden:iconmarketgarden: May 1, 2008, 7:13:12 PM
OMG! Death threatz! Someone ban this motha quick!

--
Look up in the sky! It's a nerd, it's a pain! It's a reject from a star trek convention! Aren't those all the same thing? No, you're all wrong - it's SUPER VIRGIN!

He cums faster than a speeding bullet! Able to chase off women with a single word
~marketgarden:iconmarketgarden: May 1, 2008, 7:12:45 PM
You fucking cocksucker I hate you and I hope you die you inbred shitstain.

--
Look up in the sky! It's a nerd, it's a pain! It's a reject from a star trek convention! Aren't those all the same thing? No, you're all wrong - it's SUPER VIRGIN!

He cums faster than a speeding bullet! Able to chase off women with a single word
~DjFlamingo:iconDjFlamingo: Apr 28, 2008, 3:54:18 PM
No, because you're cool. :P

--
"Also, your school is run by National Socialist German Workers' Party? Cool." *video-massacre

"Emo is what happened to punk when it got kicked in the crotch."=Prince-Charles

FAITH IN HUMANITY: Lol fail.
~marketgarden:iconmarketgarden: Apr 28, 2008, 8:51:33 AM
I blocked him too. Does that make me a coward?

--
Look up in the sky! It's a nerd, it's a pain! It's a reject from a star trek convention! Aren't those all the same thing? No, you're all wrong - it's SUPER VIRGIN!

He cums faster than a speeding bullet! Able to chase off women with a single word
~DjFlamingo:iconDjFlamingo: Apr 27, 2008, 8:50:42 PM
:lol:! I know!

--
"Also, your school is run by National Socialist German Workers' Party? Cool." *video-massacre

"Emo is what happened to punk when it got kicked in the crotch."=Prince-Charles

FAITH IN HUMANITY: Lol fail.